Life Insurance Agents Jokes - Insurance Jokes and Retirement Humor

Wipe that frown off your face. With insurance selling you must constantly use motivation for yourself and for talking with clients. Give yourself a shot of some humor medications to get your day started on the right track. Kick back and enjoy some insurance jokes. After a tough day, a little chuckle or even a grin can help make your sometimes difficult career a little happier.
1. Three Wishes A life insurance financial advisor walking along the beach finds a unique odd shaped bottle. He rubs it trying to read the label. Instantly a honest-to-goodness Genie appears. The Genie puzzles him by announcing, "I will grant you three wishes, but because I fear Satan, every wish I grant you, your biggest competitor will get double." Before speaking, and being a financial advisor, he pondered how this could work in his favor.
First wish was for $20,000,000 cash. "Granted" said the genie and your rival has $40,000,000 in cash The 2nd wish was for the highest quality Ferrari. Instantly a new Ferrari drives up next to this huge stack of cash. The Genie replies, "2 new Ferraris will be arriving at your competitors business within minutes". Now the insurance financial takes a long pause, not wanting his rival to end up ahead of him. He finally tells the Genie that he is ready for his last wish.
"What is your last which?" the Genie asks him, then reminds him the request will be double for his rival. The insurance financial advisor answers. "I want to donate one of my kidneys for transplant."
2. KEEP IN SHAPE Life insurance agents always tell you to keep in shape "You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where the hell she is". by Ellen DeGeneres
3. LEARNING INSURANCE TRICKS A new life insurance salesperson needing a boost turns to his successful vacuum salesperson friend. His buddy says, "Selling is easy, you don't even need leads, you just have to get their attention first." He tells the life insurance salesperson to come along with him.
Both salesman appear at an elderly lady's old home. Before allowing the woman to speak, the vacuum salesperson rushes into the living room and throws a huge bag of nasty dirt all over her clean carpet. He confidently says, "If this new vacuum doesn't pick up every bit, then I'll eat all the dirt." The woman, loses her patience, saying, "Sir, if I had enough money to buy that thing, I would have paid my electricity bill before they cut it off. Now, what would you prefer, a spoon or a knife and fork?"
4. SURVIVAL AWARD An insurance agent was completing an application and got to the part on health history. He asked his client how his grandfather died. This was his client's startling answer. "I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather...Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car."
5. PREMIUM PAYMENTS A life insurance in its mail bin receives a peculiar note along with a blank premium payment slip. In the note the lady mentions that unfortunately it is necessary to cancel her husband's life insurance policy. She writes, "we have always paid it in time. But since my husband's sudden death, due to financial hardship, she will not be able to pay it anymore.
6. RETIRED INSURANCE AGENT A retired insurance agent, now in his mid 70's, is on the operating table awaiting anesthesia before heart surgery. He insists that only his son, a surgeon perform the operation. He signals to his son. His son asks, "Yes Dad what is it?". The retired agent responds, "Don't be jittery, just perform your best, if something fails remember your mother will live with you and your wife the rest of her days."
7. PERSISTENT AGENT The business owner turns to the life insurance agent and says, "You ought to feel very honored about getting the chance to speak with me." He continues, "So far today I had my secretary turn away seven insurance agents!" The agent replies, "I know, I'm them."
8. THREE ELDERLY MEN Three retired men were talking, one a former insurance executive, another a minister, and the third a retired hairstylist. The subject came up on what their grandchildren might say about them 40 years from now. The insurance executive declared, "I would like to remember how successful he was at selling insurance." Next the minister said, "I want them to say he was a loyal family man." The hairstylist then replied, "Me?, I want them all to say he certainly looks good for his age."
9. LATE PROPOSAL Good ole Charlie, now aged 86, was content living in a nursing home in Miami, Florida. After meeting, Martha Jean, aged 78, he became happier by the day. Eventually he fell in love with her. Finally he got enough courage, plopped down on his knees, and told her there were two things we needed to ask her.
Martha Jean smiles and replied, "Alright, ask me.". Charlie, almost sounding like he was in pain , said "Will you marry me?" Very delighted, Martha Jean hollered out, "Yes!" The she asked Charlie what his second question was. Charlie managed to squeak out, "Martha Jean, will you please help get me up?"
10. EARLY RETIREMENT After sampling the habits of 1,000 insurance sales people that retired while still in their fifties, these founding were announced. They spent 10% of their time doing some form of work, another 10% eating, drinking, or snacking, 35% sleeping or napping, and 45% of their time looking for things that they just had a minute ago.
11 . When it the best time to start thinking about your retirement? Answer: Before your boss does.
12 . What does a government retiree miss most about no longer having a job? Answer: Not being able to call in sick six or seven times a month.
13 . How many retirees does it take to change a light bulb? Answer: Only one, but allow him two or three days to complete the job.
14. "The question isn't at what age I want to retire, it's at what income." George Foreman
15. "There is an enormous of number of managers who have retired on the job." Peter F Drucker
You can find more in a previous article on top laughter insurance jokes. Additional material is contained in another article on clean insurance agent jokes.
Well published author, Don Yerke likes to concentrate on what you don't know or what no one else dares to print. Tell it like it is. Watch for his new paperback book debuting on Amazon early this summer. It is loaded with great insurance marketing and recruiting information.